March 10th, 2015
Every dog has their day. Bob Hyde, aka “Squirrel Launcher” won the 2015 Spring Dinghy regatta in the closest competition our class has ever seen out here. Only six boats entered, with most of them having won this event in past years.
Forecast by the weather cats was for dog day afternoons, from light and variable to max gusts to 7, but never count out the City Front. Conditions built to 11 on Saturday and 18 on Sunday.
The following is the cast of characters for the Spring Doggy:
Gordon Lyon: Regatta favorite going big guns in the light to medium air. Here on out he is “Wippit.” Wippit good. His light frame would be to his advantage, and undoing.
Dave Berntsen: “Rottweiler.” Goes to the gym every day. Sucks on bone marrow to eat up City Front conditions. Defending champion.
Bob Hyde: “Bulldog.” Relentless. Always sniffing your butt, licking his balls, and generally pissing on everything. Retired from the class but jumped back in a this year’s Nationals because he liked the smell of the class. Uber experienced current savvy bay sailor.
Marc Simmel: “Schnauzer.” A moustache that just won’t go away, nor disappear on the race course, unless burying his bow-wows in a wave. Always yipping at your heels.
Quintin Boe: “Lab Pup.” Novice sailor thrown into the pit.
Jonathan Weston (me): “Golden Retriever.” Goes by “Champ.” Winner Spring Dinghy 2012, 2013. Absent last year attending WetaFest. Enjoys treats. Greying on muzzle, arthritis in hips, paws, knees, you name it. Time to retire to old doggie home.
Race 1: Wind 6. Flood tide. Even start, dogs spread out sniffing the current sweet spots. Woof! Bulldog lifts a leg, jumps out to a lead, Champ and Rottweiler head to the right, Wippit fleas to the left. At the weather mark, it is Bulldog, followed by Wippit, Champ, Rottie. Wippit shows his speed downwind, wins race by a dog leg.
Race 2: Wind 8-9. Slack tide. Champ takes the start, drives right over Bulldog. Bulldog barks obscenity at Champ. Champ leaps out to big doggie lead, thinks it’s insurmountable. Downwind, Wippit proves Champ’s lead to be sir mountable. Lap two windward leg Champ jumps back into lead. Downwind, ear luffing battle ensues, Champ almost hits humpback whale, scratches fleas as Wippit wins again. Bulldog claws way back to third. Looks like Wippit will win regatta unchallenged.
Race 3: Wind 10-11. Ripping ebb tide. Doggies getting pushed over the line early. Champ plays it smart, hangs back. At weather mark 1 it is Champ, Rottie, Bulldog. Champ feels his age, cleats kite, foils leash, loses Rottie, then Bulldog, passed by Schnauzer. Where did Wippit go? Champ passes Schnauzer in epic downwind battle, Rottie wins race3, Bulldog second. Wippit over early, falls off boat at weather mark, drag by leash for eons (Champ whispers, “Place a D ring just behind centerboard trunk, never fall off boat, woof!”) Wippit never listen. Enjoys wippit post. Early doggie throwout.
Sunday, Race 4: Wind 6 to 0 and back to 6. Green flag up (starboard roundings) Two laps. Strong flood tide. Champ takes start, more barking from Bulldog. Champ heads to shore, Rottie and Schnauzer stay just offshore in better wind, build big lead. Rottie and Schnauzer both round weather mark to port. Ut oh! Bulldog, Wippit and Champ round to starboard simultaneously, Wippit works it downwind. Big Ship carrying Chinese dog food comes through course, kills wind. Wind O. Bulldog uses flatulence to self propel. Wippit uses light doggie bones. Champ goes to Sausalito in search of golden bone, finds rotten bone. Retires for doggy nap throwout. Wippit misses small fishing boat finish line amidst sea of coach boats and same same looking crab pot buoys. Doggie color blind. Bulldog wins race, Wippit second, bounding Lab Pup third. Yeah bounding Lab Pup!
Race 5: Breeze 14: Champ and Rottie battle up upwind leg, Champ overshoot mark by butt hair, Rottie tacks right in front of Champ at weather mark, Champ no protest, needs Rottie in-between his butt and Bulldog’s face. Epic downwind battle of decade as wind builds to 18. Champ screams into mark with two length lead. Champ goggles foggy, sees wrong finish line. Rottie wins. Cover, Champ. Cover! Bulldog third, Wippit fourth, Schnauzer bow-wow swim swim. Lab Pup heads for dock.
Race 6: Breeze 18: Champ needs to win, also needs Rottie to place second, piss on Bulldog. Champ builds big lead upwind, looks back at Wippit, Wippit flips it. Nobody pass Champ in breeze downwind, coasts to bullet, but bullet no good without Rottie in second. Go Rottie, go! Bulldog building up a slobber, gybes off to more wind, gets room at mark on Rottie. NO, Rottie, NO! Don’t let that Bulldog beat you! I thought we were friends! Bulldog edges Rottie at finish line for the win, and the regatta.
Congratulations to Bulldog.
By Jonathan Weston
